Silence is Only Golden in the Movies…

I wholeheartedly believe that communication is the key to any worthwhile relationship, including the relationship between parents and children.  Ever since I was a little girl, my mother has shared with me that I can always come to her no matter what.  Knowing this, it made my relationship with my mother transcend into something so much more.  Over the years, I have talked to my mother about everything from guys to social pressures.  Through these conversations, my mother became more than my mother…she became my best friend.  Now, whenever I go through anything in life, the first person I call is my mom, and it is because she laid the foundation for open, honest communication from the start.

I dedicated my dissertation to my mother because she has always been that listening ear and my primary source of wisdom and advice.  My dissertation was on parent-child communication and my research found that having conversations early and being open and honest about sensitive issues will result in an increased bond between parent and child.  I encourage all young people to talk to your parents about what you are going through, and I challenge parents to be more open and receptive to what their child has to say.  Just because they talk about it, doesn’t mean they are doing it!  In celebration of Let’s Talk Month, I challenge all young people to start at least ONE conversation with their parent daily.  It can be about anything from fashion, to sports, or an upcoming pep rally!  The point is that it is never too late to start talking to your parents.  I am 28 and my mother just turned 60 last week, and I still call and talk to my mother every day about life and it is because she encouraged this communication from the start.  Don’t let fear or embarrassment silence you…START TALKING TODAY!

Click here for resources on talking with your children.

by India Rose, Post Doctoral Fellow, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Let’s Talk Month: Supporting Parents at Every Stage in the Journey

Credit: Child and Family Mental Health

It’s often easy to say should have, would have, could have, when talking about all types of issues.  But parenting is one area where, in many cases, everyone’s an expert – until they have the experience!  As the parent of a four year old, I realize that I am only beginning this journey, yet I feel like I have already had to deal with some very interesting experiences when it comes to guiding Landen in the ways of behavior and relationships.  One thing is for sure, starting early is any understatement.  Early on, especially during potty training, we had to explore the proper terms for his body parts which led to his most important work of art – the picture of the spider with a penis (see my blog on this episode!)  His friendships with a couple of female classmates have included kisses on the cheek and the tightest hugs ever.  Now, we do our best to not make a big deal about these very cute moments, but they are great teachable moments when we can talk age-appropriately about good touch/bad touch, respecting other peoples’ space and boundaries and respecting himself as a young man.  Deep stuff, right?  Well, it doesn't have to be heavy all of the time – we often talk about his future and how he will be a an adult one day who will have to continue being nice and helpful to others, especially those who he is really close to – like a girlfriend.

Let’s Talk Month has always been important to me as a professional because it emphasizes the importance of supporting and partnering with parents as it relates to preventing teen pregnancy and preparing young people for maturity in relationships.  Now, as a parent, I realize that campaigns like this are crucial in helping us get through every stage of this journey called parenting.  This process is not about teaching parents something they don’t know or judging their performance – rather it’s about SUPPORT. Although this does include education and guidance at the core of this campaign, it is the realization that we are all connected and everyone, not just parents, are impacted by young people’s growth and development within our communities.

I started working in teen pregnancy prevention in my early twenties, when my perspective was all about mentoring young people and providing resources for parents.  Over the past decade, I have grown tremendously as a professional, and I credit the experience of leading local public awareness campaigns such as Let’s Talk Month, with preparing me for this new journey:  parenting and helping develop a mature, respectful young man.

About Let’s Talk Month  
Let's Talk Month is lead by Advocates for Youth. Each October, groups across the nation, including the SC Campaign, promote effective communication between young people and the adults they trust, especially their parents. Let's Talk Month emphasizes the importance of a strong partnership between the community and families in helping young people develop responsible, positive, sexual health attitudes and behaviors.

by Kimberly Wicker, Outreach & Development Specialist, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

The Making of a Man

I had the pleasure of attending a Young Men’s Program meeting in Boston last week hosted by John Snow, Inc. (JSI). The goal was for us to learn how to better engage young men in teen pregnancy prevention work, but the result was so much more! As a female, I have taken for granted how differently our boys and young men think, act, and believe because I have not had the experience of being male. As we kick off Let’s Talk Month, there are some things to keep in mind when communicating with our young men – full credit for these concepts goes to Ozvaldo “Ozzie” Cruz and Mario Ozuna-Sanchez of the National Compadres Network and National Latino Fatherhood and Family Institute.

Society teaches young men that they are supposed to be strong and not show emotion – they are supposed to be the protectors. They must be respected.  If not taught how to be protective, our boys and men can express this sentiment through violence. We need to talk to our young men about the difference between being a warrior and a soldier – soldiers follow orders as they go into war. Warriors try to protect and avoid situations that would be unsafe. Our boys are often entering into battle to show that they are strong because they don’t understand that using their head instead of their fists shows greater strength.

 Our boys seek relationships, but if they aren’t taught what a healthy relationship looks like, they begin to equate sex with relationships. The media teaches our young men that they aren’t “real men” if they aren’t having sex as often as possible with as many women as possible.  We need to help our young men understand that while relationships can certainly be sexual, having sex with someone is not the same as being in a meaningful, fulfilling relationship. It’s also important for them to understand the importance of having strong relationships with other men.

Males value honor, but if not taught how to live honorably, it is easy to determine that honor comes with money and material possessions. When our young men equate success with the size of their paycheck, selling drugs (for example) may seem like a really good idea. Making money at all costs makes sense. We need to work with our young men to develop a different understanding of success and what it means to be a man of honor.

The final thought from Ozzie and Mario that stuck with me is that we, as adults, do not give our young people purpose. They already have purpose. Our job is to help them unearth what their purpose is. I’m hoping that Let’s Talk Month will push me to meet some young men where they are as they are and help them learn their purpose. And I hope that you will do the same.

For advice on how to talk to your child or other youth, visit our Parent Portal.

by Dana Becker, Spartanburg Community Mobilization Coordinator, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Parent-Child Communication from a Big Sister’s Point of View

October is Let’s Talk Month where we encourage parents and other trusted adults to talk to teens about love, sex, and relationships. A trusted adult could be a pastor, coach, teacher, aunt, uncle, brother, or sister. I’m proud to say that I am someone my little sister trusts for accurate, reliable information. I’m only three years older than her, but I've always tried to look out for her, and protect her, giving feedback and guidance every step of the way.

Growing up in a single-parent household was tough because there wasn't a consistent father figure present, and I had to grow up so fast. I was faced with adult situations early on, making me mature much faster than most kids my age. With mama working odd shift to provide for us, I felt as if I were a substitute mom to my sister, holding myself responsible for her triumphs and mistakes. There were times my sister asked me situational questions about love, sex, and relationships that even I, in my infinite 20-something- year-old wisdom, had no experience with. When she would start her sentence off with “If a boy were to say…,” I knew I had to brace myself for something wild to follow. There were times like this that I wish she could talk to mama for guidance. But I knew the circumstances all too well. My mom wasn't exactly an “askable parent.” I didn’t even feel comfortable going to her with my own relationship woes, so I knew my sister wouldn’t dare ask her anything. That left me in the middle, sweating it out in an interrogation room plastered with B2K and Lil’ Bow Wow posters every Friday after school. I’m thankful that I happen to be a bookworm and had enough sense to use resources available to me for those questions about love, sex, and relationships that I couldn’t answer. I know there are thousands of single-parent families in South Carolina and you can only hope that the trusted adult would readily seek knowledge like I did. But we know that’s not the case. That being said, I would like to challenge parents to be more askable. An askable parent or adult is someone who listens, is nonjudgmental, conversational, welcoming, open, and honest. To sum it up, being askable means that you try to keep it real with your children without compromising the core values that you've instilled them.

I wouldn’t trade my upbringing for the world, but I had to grow up a lot faster than others and that’s a lot of pressure to put on someone who’s still a child themselves.  Being an askable parent doesn’t mean you have to compromise your values of your belief system, but if you don’t talk to your child about love, sex, and relationships, somebody else will.

For tips on how to be an askable parent and more, visit teenpregnancysc.org/parents!

by Shana Adams, Communications Assistant, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy