It is All About the Relationships

We read the news about teens in the United States:

• 47.4% had ever had sexual intercourse
• 33.7% had had sexual intercourse during the previous 3 months, and, of these;
• 39.8% did not use a condom the last time they had sex
• 76.7% did not use birth control pills or Depo-Provera to prevent pregnancy the last time they had sex  15.3%had had sex with four or more people during their life[1]

Those statistics terrify parents, faith leaders, educators, business leaders—and for good reason. The ramifications are more than we want to consider. In light of this, it is easy to narrow our focus. It is all about sex!

Many times that is where the fight centers. It is about sex! It is about teaching individuals not to have sex. It is about teaching individuals to use contraceptives when having sex. It is all about sex!

But it isn’t!

It is about the relationship! It is about the need that humans have to be intimate with another person, to feel desired and wanted and attractive and worthy. It is about being known by another person in the most intimate way possible. It is about being naked—physically and emotionally and know that you are safe!

It is about the relationship with parents, knowing that if you ask a question about sex you won’t be judged, ostracized or put on restriction. It is knowing that your teen is a lot like you were when you were their age—full of all the questions, fears, yearnings. It about allowing your relationship to grow and develop.

It is about the relationship with those who aren’t related to us, caring enough about the students in your class to know that what happens when they leave has as much to do with what they learn as what happens in class. It is knowing that if we don’t care enough about young people that we won’t have customers or workers in a few years, let along any one to pay for my Social Security!

It is about the relationships!

It is helping our young people make good decisions about their sexuality, but even more about how they navigate the troubled emotional waters. As Amber Madison reminded us at the recent Summer Institute, it all comes back to that note we used to pass in grade school: “I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no!”

As important as it is for us to help our youth deal with questions about sexuality—and we must help them make smart, informed, wise decisions—we also have to help them answer the relationship questions. “How do you know when you are in love? “ “Why does it hurt so bad when she said no?” “Why won’t anyone ask me out?” These questions are just as important—if not more basic!

And a personal note: It is about the relationships! Having been involved with the SC Campaign for over 18 years (I started when I was 7!) it has been the relationships that have been so wonderful. The opportunity to meet individuals from around our state who are so committed to making a better future for our children, who daily seek to make a difference! To hear your stories gives me hope!

It is about the relationships with the incredible members of the board of the SC Campaign. (As the old geezer emeritus member I can say that!) This past year the Molly Talbot—who I first met when she was our graduate assistant—was the chair of the board. Watching her so ably lead us was a joy! (I do sound like an old geezer, don’t I?!)

And it is about the relationships! Next week we add our congratulations and best wishes to Forrest Alton and Heather Brandt as they celebrate their wedding! It is a great gift to both of them!

See, it is about the relationship!

by Rev. Don Flowers, Past Board Chair for the SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

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[1] Youth Risk Behavior Survey.  http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/sexualbehaviors/index.htm

Giving Back on Our "Road Trip"!

The clouds hang heavy and low, and the air is thick with humidity. The sticky days of summer are back in South Carolina. Despite the fact that the weather is hot and bothered, the SC Campaign staff is celebrating Christmas!

Well, not exactly Christmas. May is Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month, which around our office is almost just as exciting as when old St. Nick visits! We’re packing our cars full of staff to travel around the state raising awareness around teen pregnancy. The Road Show 2012 is already well underway and staff  have already visited 23counties in South Carolina. As a part of our Road Show event, we’re hosting volunteer events around the state. As a lifelong busy body, community service has become a passion of mine.

Volunteering helps individuals feel more connected to their community while improving their overall mood. It’s a win-win: the individual gains a stronger sense of community engagement while the organization is able to save money to invest in its efforts elsewhere. Many non-profit organizations do not have the budget to cover all of the projects on their to-do list – not to mention the time to spend completing them. Instead of spending time and money on planting flowers or painting, the organization is likely to focus on making ends meet to fund the staff who are working so hard to achieve the goals of the organization. As community members, we may not have the skills necessary to help balance the budget or construct a marketing plan, but we do have a little spare time.

What if you talked to the staff at the child center down the road whose yard looks like a desert about planting some flowers? What if you talked to the staff at the teen clinic about painting the beige walls of the waiting room a more inviting color? The staff would be blown away with your generosity and you would be forever grateful for the experience.

During the Road Show last year, SC Campaign staff hosted three volunteer events. When you mention these events around our office, faces light up. The warm feeling still persists within these volunteers. Giving back to the community not only helps the organization, but helps ignite a fire within the volunteer to send good into the world.

With the fire still burning from last year, we wanted to do more volunteer events this year. So far we have many events planned: a book drive for an underprivileged school in Horry County, planting flowers at a children’s home in Clinton, reading to elementary school children in Lexington County, and a staff appreciation day at a clinic in Charleston.

Volunteering is a way to give back to your community. These past few years have brought on tough economic times for every community. We have all been affected by this in one way or another. Volunteering your time to an organization that serves a cause that is near and dear to your heart is tremendously valuable (and free!). I encourage all of you to get involved in your community. Find an organization whose beliefs align with your own and give them a call. Perhaps you can spare a few hours a month to walk dogs at a local shelter, deliver hot meals to senior citizens, read to children at a local hospital or organize a clothing drive for a homeless shelter.

As my Yogi tea bag reminded me the other day “you are limitless.” Go forth and do good.

The Greatest Love of All

“I believe the children are our future;
Teach them well and let them lead the way;
Show them all the beauty they possess inside;
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier;
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be...” 

- Whitney Houston

Early this year, the world stood still as we mourned the death of influential pop star and musical talent Ms. Whitney Elizabeth Houston. In the subsequent aftermath of her passing, I participated in several heated debates about her public life. However, I've noticed that all the people I've debated  Houston's life and death with have one thing in common - we all adore her version of "The Greatest Love of All".  Written in the late 70’s, the song is over 30 years old, but managed to find its way into my professional passion. 

No longer a young  person, I am now consumed by reports, deadlines, emails and observations in my professional life, I sometimes forget what it felt like when I was a teenager. Sometimes I was confident and secure in my choices at that age. At other times I wandered aimlessly and was confused about what to do next.

Fortunately, I was surrounded by a team of parents, church members and school counselors who equipped me with the tools I needed to make proud and responsible choices. 

This is what I love about the evidence-based program, Making A Difference. Two of the program's goals are to:

•  Increase participants’ ability to identify realistic goals for their future
  
•  Increase participants’ confidence about making proud and responsible decisions to protect themselves and their community from STD’s and unintended pregnancy.
  

To some, these goals may be just the lyrics to another pop song, but to me it is a charge to do my very best while working for the young people of South Carolina.  Teaching the children of this state about their potential and helping them find their senses of pride will ensure all our futures. This realization has given me an imperative I'm passionate about - Making A Difference is one of the "Greatest Loves of All."

- Meredith M. Talford, MPH, CHES, is the Upstate Training and Technical Assistance Specialist. E-mail Meredith at mtalford@teenpregnancysc.org.