A Teen Mom Talks "The Talk"

Being a teen mom means I am in the perfect position to make sure my son knows what I didn't know-all in the hopes that he doesn’t follow in my footsteps.

My 9 year old son was born when I was 17 years old. Many have asked what I would go back and change about that time in my life. My son existing is never one of them. I do follow up with the fact that it is my life’s goal to make sure my choices as a young person do not affect the life my son lives. Most importantly, I do not want my son to be a statistic and repeat my choices.

Not long after my son was born, I learned that my friends, another teenaged couple, would be having a baby of their own. What struck a sincere chord in me about that particular couple is that the father-to-be was born to a teen mother himself. I watched his mom, a dear woman that I respect, torture herself with the guilt of not having prepared her own son with the knowledge he needed to make a wiser choice than her. Knowing how much I wish I would have taken the initiative and said just one word of caution to that couple, I could not imagine, then or now, how his mother agonized over all of her missed opportunities to educate her child.

I know that my strongest chance of breaking the teen pregnancy cycle is for me to keep the lines of communication open with my son. We have to talk to our children. Parents have their children’s best interests at heart and need to give them the truthful information they need. Whether it’s reminding your son to take his “larger than average” friend's feelings into consideration before saying things; teaching him how to apply deodorant, or fighting back the embarrassment and having the sex talk-it’s important and it’s our privilege and our responsibility.


by: Nicole Blas, Let's Talk Month Guest Blogger

Having "Great Expectations"!

It amazes me that we expect so little of our young people as it relates to them respecting themselves and others, having good manners and doing well in school. I make this assertion because it appears to me that young people believe they can speak to “Elders” in whatever tone they desire. It seems as if they have no clue about what it means to be courteous and respectful. 
Now, we as adults bear much of the responsibility; we cannot totally place the blame at the feet of young people. Through our responses, we give young people permission to treat “elders” and their peers with little regard. It seems to me that adults believe it is more important to give our young people what we did not have (material things), and that is okay. But, in so doing, we must not fail to give them what we did have (good manners, respect for ourselves and others, good values and a desire to achieve as a means of getting “the things” we desired).

Day after day I see young people who, for whatever reason, believe it is acceptable to be rude and disrespectful, and when they are called out for their behavior they want to throw a tantrum. It is my conviction that God charges adults to be the accountable party in the adult/child relationship.  Proverb 22:6 says (The Message Bible) “Point your kids in the right direction – when they’re old they won’t be lost.” What I learned in my many years of being an aunt, godmother, and a member of the village is that our young people are smart and desirous of directions. It is the adult – in my humble opinion- who is afraid to do as we are charged to do.

We have many smart, respectful young people eager to learn. I believe that more of them would project these qualities if they understood that this is what adults expect from them.

So, let us step up to the plate and start talking to and directing our young people early and often about what life is really about. Let’s work to help them become healthy, happy, well informed, and productive citizens (so that they can have a job and pay into Social Security). I admit my motives are selfish as all of ours should be.

by Carol Singletary, Senior Advisor for Outreach, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Talkin' Tuesdays-Truth Tellin'

When we consider our own families, it sometimes surprises us the values that we espouse. Much of the time, we just live the values that we believe, without much explanation of them. But as a parent, it is important to give those values some thought because ultimately, we will likely pass them along to our children. Now, this becomes particularly challenging when we think of values that we ‘claim,’ and compare them with values that we actually ‘live.’ How important is it to remember that we are teaching our children at ALL times – whether we are helping them learn to tie their shoes, or demonstrating that it’s sometimes OK to break the law because, you know, “I don’t want you to be late for school so I’m just going to speed a little bit…”

One value that my family has set forth is truthfulness. We told our son Jonah from the time he could talk that it is a family rule that we are always completely honest with each other. Now, children naturally want to ‘protect’ themselves from punishment when they have done something wrong, and one easy way to do that is to lie. So, we told Jonah that we expect him to make mistakes… We all do… We may not always be especially happy when he does make a mistake, but we explained that the consequences of that mistake will be far, far worse if he lies about it. Our hope is that he will learn to take responsibility for his actions, and to learn to carefully consider the possible consequences of his actions before he acts, since he knows we expect him to always tell us the truth about it.

So far, this strategy has worked beautifully. Today, Jonah turned 12 years old and I honestly don’t think he has ever told us an outright lie.

Two fun examples of how this rule has played out, though, I’d like to share, one of which actually includes a LIE that we told him! You guessed it… Santa Claus! We did abide by our culture’s story about Santa, which we knew was risky, given our rule about truthfulness. But, as we expected, Jonah did eventually ask us outright about Santa. And, when he did, he said, “I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to tell me the truth.” He was eight… Far younger than we would have liked, but we told him the truth, and after being a little disappointed, he moved on.

And, for the second story… We also used ‘role play’ as a teaching strategy when Jonah was younger to help him prepare to deal with difficult situations. So, when he was about four, a child at his day care had hit him several times, but Jonah didn’t always let his teacher know. We told him it was crucial that he do that, and so we practiced a scenario where he would tell his teacher if he got hit again. Jonah played himself, I played the teacher, “Ms. Amy,” and his other parent Tracy played the other child, ”Jason.” It went something like this… (Remember, Jonah believes in truthfulness, and we learned he believed everyone else did too…) Jason hits Jonah. Jonah comes to his ‘teacher’ (me.) “Ms. Amy, Jason hit me.” I approach “Jason.” “Jason, Jonah says you hit him.” (Tracy as Jason shakes her head “no.”) Jonah, with a genuinely puzzled look on his face, replies, “Well, I didn’t hit myself…”

Truthfullness rocks!

Positive Parenting Strategies, including role play: http://www.parentrx.com/strategies/

by:  Beth DeHart, Project Manager, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy 

Ready, Set, Shoot!

Let's Talk Month "Photo-a-Day" Challenge

The South Carolina Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (SC Campaign) is getting into the spirit this October for Let's Talk Month!  Let's Talk Month encourages parents and other caring adults to communicate with young people about love, sex, and relationships. As part of this month’s activities, we are encouraging our friends and followers to show support by participating in a "Photo-a-Day" challenge.

Our "Photo-a-Day" Challenge will begin Oct. 12 and last 19 days.  We chose 19 to represent the 19 teens that get pregnant each day in South Carolina!  Read the info below to find out how to participate and show your support for teen pregnancy prevention!  We can't wait to see the photos!

 

How to play

1. Look at the list of "prompts", every day has a different theme!
2. Grab a camera – your phone or a plain old camera – and take a photo using the daily prompt as inspiration.
3. Upload your photo on each day to wherever you like: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Flickr, Tumblr, your blog or anywhere you please. (If sharing on Twitter or Instagram add the hashtag #LetsTalkSC)

 

Where to share

Once you’ve taken your photo for the daily prompt the fun is really in sharing it with friends. You can share them in one place, or a few – it’s all up to you. Here’s how to share:

Instagram
This is one of our favorite places to share. Take your photo, add a filter, write a little about in the caption and add the hashtag #LetsTalkSC. Best of all, when you publish your photo, you can also publish to your Facebook page, Twitter, Tumblr and Flickr. So all the work is done for you. I’m @sarabeestaylor on Instagram.

Twitter
Upload your photo to Twitter and share a bit about it along with the hashtag #LetsTalkSC. Get social and tweet with the other photo a day players.  Mention the SC Campaign by using @SCCampaign.

Facebook
There are a few ways you could share on Facebook. You could create an album on your personal page, upload the list and share the photos every day. It’s a fun way to share with your friends. You can also upload directly to the SC Campaign Facebook Page. Another option would be to create a group with your friends.

Flickr
You can share your photos in an album on Flickr.

Tumblr + Blogs
Upload and share on your Tumblr and Blogs as you please. You can upload them daily or upload in one looooong post at the end of the month.

 

The Prompts

 

1. What Made you SMILE today? Be sure to snap a quick pick for the first "photo-a-day"!
2. Love:  Take a photo that represents "love" for you.
3. I'm responsible for...: Walking the dog? Feeding my family? Shoot a photo of it and share! 
4. What is your favorite place to talk?
5. Awkward!: Take a photo of something awkward you have seen today!
6. I’m thankful for…
7. Friendship: BFFs, Coffee Buddies, etc.  Just grab a quick pic of what "friendships" is for you.
8. What is YOUR Reality?
9.  I feel comfortable when...: Take a photo of when you feel most comfortable-even in PJs!
10. What represents "strength" for you? Mountains...moms...what?
11. A teachable moment: Take a photo of a moment that can be used to teach you or others.
12. What is worth waiting for?
13. What are you listening to? Music? Children laughing? Share it.
14. Home is...
15. What is one of your family values?
16. What does "beautiful" mean to you.
17. What does "quality time" look like?
18. Truth and Trust go hand in hand.  Snap a pic of what this looks like to you.
19. Spooky…scary…what scares you?

Talkin' Thursdays-College Mom Edition

I just sent my oldest child off to college. Of course I worry about her. I worry about her safety. I worry that she isn't getting enough sleep. I worry that she isn't eating right. But what I don't worry about are her decisions about dating and relationships.

I can honestly say that I do not remember ever having “The Talk” with Becky. That is because from the time she was a toddler, I made a conscious effort to have an ongoing open dialogue with her about sex and relationships. We had some very concrete teachable moments too since she is 6 ½ years older than her sister and 8 years older than her brother. She asked lots of questions during my pregnancies and I didn’t hold back. At times I’m sure I gave her more information than she needed at her age but since we had started the conversations early it never seemed awkward.

She has grown into a young woman with big dreams for her future in music education and she is self-confident enough to be very picky about whom she chooses to date. Although she’s had her share of relationships that did not work out, all of the young men have had one thing in common besides their participation in marching band – they have been respectful to her and to her family. Of course I’m lucky that Becky has been so easy to raise but I’d like to think that maybe our early, ongoing dialogue about sex and relationships have had something to do with the good decisions she has made.

Now I wonder if she’s doing her laundry right…

by:  Melaine Foltz, Director or Finance, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy