Condoms Don't Belong at the Country Club

I have a weakness for reality TV. I’m not proud to admit it, but I do, so it’s unsurprising that as I was flipping through channels recently, I got sucked into a new reality series called “Big Rich Texas.”

The thing I immediately loved about Big Rich Texas is that these ladies are Southern. Sure, the Texans are catty and rich, as any reality TV star must be, but they also pride themselves in being demure and proper. It’s the “proper” aspect that made for the interesting episode I saw the other night.

Melissa picked her 15 year old daughter Maddie up from a doctor’s appointment and noticed she was holding a brown paper bag. She asked Maddie what the doctor had given her, and Maddie reluctantly held up a birth control pack. Then Melissa grabbed the bag and discovered the bag also contained a bunch of condoms. She immediately yelled, “Are you having sex?!” but seemed to calm down after Maddie promised she wasn’t.

Later that night, Maddie and her 15 year old friend Grace were getting ready for a big soiree at the country club, when Maddie showed Grace the condoms. Y’all, this was my favorite part! Maddie and Grace decided to open a condom, and they reacted exactly the way you would hope two 15 year olds would react. They started shrieking about how slimy they were. Then they tried to fling them at each other, until they started screaming after one stuck to the bathroom mirror.

The trouble started when Maddie decided to give Grace some condoms, and Grace’s mother, Connie, found them in her purse during the country club event. To put it lightly, Connie did not react well. She yelled at Grace, immediately confronted Maddie’s mother Melissa, and made Grace leave the party early.

I’m not a parent, so I’m automatically not very qualified to judge Connie’s reaction.  I realize that even though it seemed extreme to me, you really don’t know what it’s like to find condoms in your 15 year old daughter’s purse until you’re living that situation. I would probably freak out too. I do hope, however, that Connie had a chance to watch the footage of Grace and Maddie playing with the condoms and realize how innocent they actually are. Unfortunately, there are too many 15 year olds in South Carolina who wouldn’t have been fazed by the condoms, because they’re already having sex. Grace carrying them around in her purse “just because” doesn’t seem so bad in comparison.

I think sometimes our “properness” gets us in trouble in the South. Maybe if we were more willing to talk openly about these things, teens wouldn’t be so eager to have sex, and there wouldn’t be so many teens having sex at the young age of 15. It’s also important to remember that talking about sex does not mean we’re encouraging teens to do it, or conveying that it’s ok. It just means we’re answering their questions and eliminating their curiosity, which leaves one less reason for them to have sex before they’re ready, or to be unsafe when they are.

-- Lauren Angelo is a Graduate Assistant at the SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and a MPH student at the University of South Carolina. Contact Lauren at langelo@teenpregnancysc.org

Revealing New Spin on Football

Orlando Fantasy. Las Vegas Sin. Philadelphia Passion. San Diego Seduction. What sounds like very expensive, potent cocktails are actually titles of teams competing in the Lingerie Football League. The LFL, started in 2009, claims to have “formally shattered” the ceiling on women playing tackle football. The ladies who play on these teams are powerful athletes without a doubt and deserve to compete at a professional level in a sport that has traditionally been for men only. However, if the only way for a woman to compete at that level requires her to run around a football field in her underwear, have we really accomplished anything to improve the status of women in our society?

I know I have a soapbox related to the portrayal of women in the media (hope to write another blog post soon about the Miss Representation documentary which aired recently on the Oprah Winfrey Network). If you talk to me long enough, you’ll quickly find out how much things like the LFL tick me off. But above and beyond the misguided concept that women are making strides for equality because they’re allowed to play football in their underwear, the LFL has decided to go one step farther. They are developing youth leagues.


Yes, you heard correctly. Here’s part of the press announcement (with thoughts by me in italics): “With the growing popularity around the LFL [by what shockingly appears to be mostly men who regularly comment on the LFL Facebook page with original quips about the athletes like “she can sack me anytime”], younger and younger girls are starting to dream of playing LFL football. [I doubt this is what Martin Luther King, Jr. had in mind.] In recent months and years, parents [clearly loving, caring parents who aspire for their daughters to grow up and accomplish great things] of young ladies routinely contact LFL league offices inquiring about everything ranging from what size football do you use to what form of training should I place my daughter into now to prepare her for LFL football [clearly in addition to scheduling her implant surgery, regular spray-tans, and salon appointments].”

There is so much about all of this that makes me angry, I’ve had trouble compiling my thoughts for this blog, but here’s an attempt:

• If playing football is something women aspire to, then let’s look at what is SAFEST for them as much as we would for men. Playing tackle football with only helmets and shoulder pads doesnot seem safe – much less comfortable. Could you imagine men playing in something similar?

• If we want for people to truly see and appreciate the athleticism of women on the football field, could we allow them to be dressed in such a way as to emphasis their talent rather than their cup-size?
• In a recent survey conducted by Essence Magazine with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 72% of young people surveyed said that the media portrayed black girls’ sex appeal as their most important quality and 39% of females who had had sex said they wished someone had told them they had more to offer someone than just sex. Is it any wonder our young people feel this way when organizations like the Lingerie Football League are airing games on MTV2 – a channel viewed predominantly by teens? Is it possible to feature beautiful, strong, smart black women with CLOTHES ON???

 

My final thought has caused me the most trouble since discovering the LFL and the idea of a youth league to ultimately recruit new players – even though the league founder and commissioner guarantees that “we would never put 13 year olds in lingerie and have them play in our league”  (many thanks to ESPNW for clarifying that for us!).  What do we DO about things like this? What do we DO when we see women continuously being portrayed as sex objects or little girls being made up to look like grown women or female politicians being asked more about their clothing choices than their thoughts on foreign policy? What do we DO when we see girls flipping through magazines or channels and looking with some sense of inadequacy at the made-up, touched up images they feel constantly forced to compare themselves to?

I’ve decided to finally DO something. I’m starting with conversations – with adult women I look up to and with young women I admire and hope to influence in positive ways. I hope to keep you informed on how those conversations go - whether or not talking about what we see, struggle with, and get angry about can help to ultimately bring about change. And in the meantime, I’ll stick to watching NCAA football and will skip the LFL games. How about you?

- Dana Becker, M.Ed, is the Spartanburg Community Specialist for the SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Contact Dana at dbecker@teenpregnancysc.org.

Beyonce Pregnancy Commentary Missed the Mark

A response Tony Anderson’s (BET.com) commentary on Beyonce’s pregnancy, 'Will Beyoncé’s Pregnancy Cause a Spike in Black Teen Pregnancy?"

As provocative and engaging as I know the author of this commentary is trying to be, I still wish the title reflected the possibility, even if slight, that this could be the foundation for a POSITIVE response among black youth.  Even if young black girls want to emulate Beyonce and fail to see the details of her very strong ability to parent, we as mentors, parents, teachers, and guardians CAN use this as a TEACHABLE MOMENT instead of worrying that young black girls are going to automatically start pushing out babies because of Beyonce! 

We know that there are high pregnancy rates in the U.S. and among girls of color, so why start hyperventilating over what else COULD happen?   Let's try to be proactive and point out the encouraging details of Beyonce’s life circumstances to our youth BEFORE they start making bad decisions. 

The author, who is a black male, may have intended only to spark discussion and reflection, but instead I think the author mistakenly allows his need for hype to overshadow just how fragile the dynamics of race, class, gender, and social status can be.  Even though the article content is somewhat valid and nuanced, the headline’s tired and weak correlation between Beyonce and pregnancy rates among an entire race of young women is completely ridiculous and insensitive (plus, the last time I checked, many young women of all backgrounds look up to Beyonce!).

We all too often complain about the negative images coming out of music and movies, yet when a young entertainer avoids the pitfalls of early stardom, what do we do?  Yes, we allow her name to be associated (even if not purposefully) with one of the biggest societal challenges in the country! 

We are going to have to be more careful, especially as professionals, not to allow commentators like this to trivialize such an important issue.  We know so many young women of all races who struggle everyday to handle the consequences of unplanned pregnancy.  We see parents of teens literally overwhelmed by the pressures of parenting in a world where information moves at lightning speed. 

We work with social workers, prevention specialists, and counselors who KNOW what environmental factors surround unplanned pregnancy.  This list of factors like poverty, access to health care, parental involvement, low self-esteem, abuse, among other determinants, are the issues that these professionals grapple with daily, NOT Beyonce’s pregnancy announcement. 

Of course, I would never discount the validity of any entertainer’s influence on impressionable young people.  Media influence and peer pressure are very real issues for young people.  BUT anytime someone insinuates that one particular group of girls would automatically have sex just because a grown up entertainer decided to have a baby with her husband, we need to ask if the same “brainstorm” would be put out there about other girls or even about young men.

-Kimberly Wicker, MSW, is the Outreach and Development Specialist for the SC Campaign. Contact Kim at kwicker@teenpregnancysc.org.