Landen’s Thankful Again…

It’s that time of year when, even though we are/should be thankful year round, we make sure to put more emphasis on our blessings. Last year I blogged about my failed attempt at being philosophical with my then 3 year old regarding his thankfulness.  Our attempt at deep conversation resulted in his passionate testimony about having Spiderman in his life!  Fast forward to this year and my now-4-year-old Landen is definitely thankful for more than Spiderman.  Don’t get me wrong, there is a large Spiderman picture ready to mount in his room as we speak, and he slept in his Spiderman PJs just last night.  But one interesting thing happened this year…he came to me with hugs, kisses and the longest list of “things he was thankful for” ever!  I am sure this was part of his school project, but I have been pretending that this is a natural progression for my very opinionated and sometimes not-so-behaved preschooler!  Just to name a few, Landen is thankful for:  his family (which includes an imaginary sister who we are to have next year), his friends, soccer, hot chocolate, his house, the toilet, windows, walls, floors, TVs, books, shoes, clothes and almost everything in the house, our dog Major (that I need to personally go tell how much I appreciate), the trees, the road in front of our house, and the list goes on and on. I was so excited about his enthusiasm that I almost took for granted exactly what he was saying.  Any parent can understand how easy, with all that consumes our lives daily, it is to consider this inconvenient rambling OR manipulating to get good Christmas gifts.  And, of course, these possibilities are not far-fetched.  However, no matter what prompted Landen’s long Thanksgiving list, I am touched by the innocence, simplicity, and straightforwardness that children have.

We should take time to really think about what we have and how, no matter how hard times seem, there are always others who need support – and not just during the holiday season.  Last year, in the same blog I mentioned above, I also talked about being without both parents for the first time. Landen’s long list of blessings and our simple, sweet times together so far this season - drinking hot chocolate and watching holiday movies, for instance - have reminded me of the importance of family, friends, sharing, and helping others.  Take some time and cherish your long list of blessings – even if it’s prompted by a preschooler!

by Kimberly Wicker, Outreach and Development Specialist, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Through the Tween Years and Beyond

My stepson turns 10 this December, and I’m slightly worried.  In three years he’ll morph into a teenager! We don’t always feed him nutritious meals, get him to complete weekly chores or take a shower without prompting, so I wonder: have we given him the tools to make his way in the world and eventually survive on his own?

My stepson and me, September 2012

About a hundred years ago, he might be a well-seasoned factory worker or farmer by now!  Thanks to the Keating-Owens Act of 1916, he is not, but I can’t help but wonder if we’re preparing him enough.  His current loves include trading Pokémon cards, riding his scooter, and playing video games like Minecraft.  He draws and writes his own comics with his friends and is generally upbeat, but how long will he stay this way?

Some of my loneliest, most uncomfortable years took place during middle school.  I felt so out of place.  As it turns out, so did most kids.  That’s because the tweenage years are when you start to find yourself.  You start becoming aware of what it takes to fit in and how much you want to.

On my journey, I shaved the hair beneath my ponytail and dyed my hair with Kool-Aid and Sun-In.  I wore fake Doc Martens until I was called out by an 8th grader, then immediately begged my parents to buy me real ones (they did).  Later, I started wearing CoverGirl powder foundation and bought a dark, moody shade of burgundy lipstick, which I never wore.  But during these years, I also won an award for playing trumpet, discovered I was an excellent speech-writer, and took my first week-long overnight trip without my parents.

Although some of my tween style choices might have been questionable, my parents let me do as I pleased. They let me figure out who I was on my own.  So that’s my plan.  I will support my stepson’s tween interests and style choices, encourage him to take chances, and I will model some healthy living along the way.  After all, many of life’s memorable moments occur not when we’re living perfectly, but when we’re going with the flow and following our curiosity wherever it may take us.

by Kemi Ogunji, Executive/Development Assistant, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Sex Ed From a Father's Perspective

I am a father of two young kids. A few weeks ago, my wife called and was upset because she saw our five-year-old daughter crying during an intruder drill at the elementary school where she attends kindergarten and my wife teaches. My wife said that our daughter was crying and scared as she and her fellow classmates huddled together in the bathroom of her classroom while having to be completely silent. Prior to the drill (which is scheduled periodically), her teacher had to explain what the dangers were and how they could protect themselves, which included practicing for the intruder drills. As a father, the thought of my daughter being upset and frightened was not easy to deal with. I, and many other parents, would do anything humanly possible to avoid having our children feel this way. The beginning of the conversations between my wife and I started with how uncomfortable we were with not only our little girl being scared but us having to think about what is possible and the possible danger both of our kids could be in. After we talked for a while we both agreed that it was unfortunately necessary for our kids to know the dangers that are out there and that it is a good thing to practice protecting yourself against them. 

I have been working in teen pregnancy prevention for over 12 years now and have heard plenty of reasons why people do not support comprehensive sexuality education and also reasons some choose not to discuss sexuality at all. I think sometimes it is hard for others and myself to see how they could think in such a way and often quickly blow them off or label them with being close minded or “old fashioned” without stopping to think why they believe that. Now, the danger that I described above is obviously different and scarier to some than teen pregnancy but I still draw parallels when talking to others about both. I have been in this field a long time and deeply believe in comprehensive sexuality education. I believe that it’s a young person’s right to know what they are in danger of and how to protect themselves. I talk about this issue daily for work and freely and often as possible outside of work. Teaching, training, talking and discussing sexuality is easy and something I enjoy. Others have not talked about it daily, and in fact, many adults have not talked about it much, if ever. When I talk about sex or sexuality in some settings, I see adults growing visibly uncomfortable and even upset that I am speaking about the topic. I also have worked for and with school districts in many different settings and have had to deal with parents and community members who do not want their teens discussing sex at all, not to mention not teaching comprehensive sex ed. My question is why are they so against this topic that I am so passionate about teaching? Don’t they know the risks their kids are subjected to? Don’t they know how easy it is to educate them? Don’t they know that practicing a skill could help prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies? Well, no…no they don’t.

I have found through working in this field, and more importantly to me, talking to my friends, family, and peers that I have known for many years, and in some cases, my whole life is that they all believe that teen pregnancy and STIs are a problem but mostly they are uncomfortable talking about issues because they never had anyone talk to them. Many believe that their young person is not at risk. I will always begin the conversation telling them that just because something makes us uncomfortable and we wish it wasn’t necessary to address, doesn’t mean it is not the right thing to do for others who need it and deserve it. Many of the people may have grown up in an area or situation where these topics were not an issue, but the reality is that it is an issue for their young people. I wish I didn’t have to talk to my kids about strangers and intruders in schools or fire and tornado drills for that matter, but I know that ignoring these dangers and failing to talk to them is not fair to them nor will it help protect them. I also wish that my daughter and her classmates didn’t have to practice these drills, but I know that practicing a skill is more effective than just talking about it. I have found that talking to others and educating them about the risk that young people are facing everywhere, not just in “those” neighborhoods, help them to understand why they or their communities, including schools, should be talking about comprehensive sexuality education. I also think it helps to show them that even if they are uncomfortable and wish it wasn’t an issue doesn’t meant that it should not be addressed today. Most people don’t have the comfort level that I have to talk about love, sex, and relationships but they have to understand that their young people need to talk about it, learn skills to protect themselves, and be given the space and time to practice the skills they have been taught.

Some may wish we lived in a time where STIs, teen pregnancies, and unhealthy relationships weren’t an issue, but the reality is that it is. And just because you wish it didn’t exist and are uncomfortable with talking about these things doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be addressed. Choosing not to talk about it and give accurate and factual information will not protect anyone from anything. I know that just because the thought of possible dangerous situations that my children may face may not be easy for me to think about or even talk about at times, that it is still my responsibility to talk to them about it and help them know how they can protect themselves. 

by Chris Rollison, Technical Assistance Coordinator, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

A Letter to My Son

So, I am not quite a parent yet since I am still “cooking” what seems to be a toddler-size fetus for the next four weeks, but I have thought about what kind of parent I hope to be and what I want to teach my baby boy. I am sure that this is the first of many letters that I will write my son.

Dear Mac,

Currently you are tap-dancing on my bladder but in less than four weeks, your father and I will meet you face to face and hold you in our arms. Your father and I decided on your name almost 14 years ago. Your father and I were high school sweethearts and we talked about how if we ever had children that we would name our son after my grandfather. You see, you were in our dreams, our thoughts, and our prayers long before we were married or even old enough to vote. And now as we count down the days until we meet you, we couldn’t be more excited to hold you for the first time and tell you how much we love you. We want you to have the best experience that life has to offer, but we know that life can disappoint and hurt you sometimes, so here are a few things to always remember:

• It’s okay to not be okay: You don’t have to be the best at everything you do, in fact sometimes the only way we learn anything in this messy world is when we make a few mistakes. So know that it is okay to NOT be okay. These are the times where we hug a little tighter, cry a little harder and you may see mommy drinking a little more wine…but that’s okay because we are a family and we WILL get through anything that life brings us. 
• Be silly and laugh often: One day, you will have a mortgage, medical bills and a family of your own, but until then – enjoy life and be silly! Your father is better at this than I am, just ask him about his award-winning hula dance and coconut brassiere.
• Love unconditionally: Love is not a noun but a verb, you have to make it work and work hard at it. Your father and I have experienced moments when it was very hard to love one another but we worked through it and tried our best to put our relationship first before our own individual needs. You will get grossed out when your dad kisses me or when I pinch your dad’s cute toosh, but just know that we love each other unconditionally, and we will do the same for you, no matter what. 
  
• Fight for what you love: You will see that your father and I don’t always get along and have had times where we wanted to throw in the towel, but we never gave up and we ask you to do the same. Fight for what you love and for who you love. This might mean doing things that you wouldn’t necessarily do on your own, like when I go hunting with your dad or when he goes antiquing with me. I will do the same for you and you will get dragged into antiquing with me.
• Respect yourself and others: Your father fought in Iraq for our country and your great grandfathers fought in the Vietnam War and Korean War. Each of these honorable men made a sacrifice to fight for a larger cause other than themselves. They fought for the freedom we have today, so we ask that you always respect yourself and respect those around you. This means that you should always look people in the eye when speaking to them, open doors for women and always stand up and shake hands when being introduced.
• Talk to us: Your father and I were 15 once and made some pretty stupid decisions, so it is okay to talk to us. We have most likely been there, done that. I know that sometimes you will only want to talk to your father but know that I am here, and I will do my best to provide a listening ear. 
  
• Take risks: Sometimes life requires us to be bold and take risks. Sometimes this means moving to a 198-square-foot apartment in a city where you don’t know anyone (just make sure to call mom) and sometimes this means applying for a job that you don’t think you have any chance of getting. Sometimes the juice is worth the squeeze….so squeeze away my son.
• Keep your head down and your eyes up: Your father and I spent a lot of our life running from God and never quite feeling whole. When we finally stopped running, we realized that the most important lesson in life is to stay humble and keep our eyes focused on our faith. This is the most important lesson of all. We will screw up and we will not be the perfect parents, but we promise to do our best to be humble, love God, love each other and love you with all our hearts. 
  

I can’t promise that life will be easy but I do promise that we will love you and stand by you no matter what. We promise to teach you what we have learned along the way, but I am confident that you will teach us more than we could ever teach you. 

"I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go." – Nancy Tillman

Love Always,
Momma and Daddy

by Sarah Kershner, It's Your Game Project Coordinator, SC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy